Monday, August 30, 2010
Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens that the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
Facism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
Communism: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in ine for hours to get it. It's expensive and sour.
Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you share all the milk.
Russian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.
Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk
Representative Democracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill our forms accounting for the missing cows.
Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
Capatalism: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Democratic: You don't have any dows. Your neighbor has two cows. The government takes one from the neighbor and gives it to you. After which, Conway Twitty comes and sings for you.
Republican: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
American Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do and IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analyst stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
French Corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school
German Corporation: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
Italian Corporation: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
Russian Corporation: You have two cows. You have some Vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more Vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
Taliban Corporation: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them, because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to get weapons.
Iraqi Corporation: You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.
Polish Corporation: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
Belgian Corporation: You have one cow. The cow is Schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow think he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants to control the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy
Florida Corporation: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
California Corporation: You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal aliens. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
Posted by Hugh Jazz at 6:32 PM