Pokémon Science

Let's take a look at the reality behind some Pokémon abilities. So let's see, where shall I start...

#006: Charizard
"It spits fire that is hot enough to melt boulders" (Pokémon Red/Blue Pokédex entry)

On average, the temperature it would take to melt stone into magma would be between about 1300º - 2400º Fahrenheit (700º - 1300º Celsius). At about this temperature, the human body in its entirety would melt as well.

#008: Wartortle
"It is said to live 10,000 years" (Pokémon Diamon/Pearl/Platinum Pokédex entry)

Approximately 10,000 years ago, the Ice Age ended, agriculture was first becoming widespread, and the first human settlements were being built. A Wartortle alive today could have been alive since prehistoric times.

#018: Pidgeot

"This Pokémon flies at Mach 2 speed, seeking prey." (Pokémon Yellow Pokédex entry)

Mach 2 is twice the speed of sound, which normally equates to approximately 1500 miles per hour (approx. 2500 kmph), or about 1150 feet per second (350 meters per second), the speed at which many bullets travel. Planes traveling at these supersonic speeds are made of special metals that won't melt at this speed.

#020: Raticate
"Gnaws on anything with its tough fangs. It can even topple concrete buildings by gnawning on them." (Pokémon Gold Pokédex entry)

Normal concrete has the strength to withstand up to 10,000 psi (pounds per square inch) of pressure. The living animal with the strongest bite force is the crocodile, with a bite that can exert approximately 5,000 psi of pressure. Raticate would need to have a  bite at least twice as strong as that, considering.

#059: Arcanine
"Arcanine is known for its high speed, It is said to be capable of running over 6,200 miles in a single day and night." (Pokémon Ruby/Sapphire Pokédex entry)

This would mean Arcanine would need to run about 260 miles per hour (418 kmph), or about 380 feet per second (116 meters per second), for 24 hours straight. 6200 miles is longer than the distance from L.A. to Moscow.

#068: Machamp
"It's four ruggedly developed arms can launch a flurry of 1,000 punches in just two seconds." (Pokémon FireRed Pokédex entry)

Assuming Machamp is using all four of its hands, this would mean 250 punches in two seconds, 125 punches in one second, or one punch every 0.008 second. Machamp could perform 37-and-a-half punches with one arm in the time it takes a person to blink an eye.

#107: Hitmonchan
"It throws punches that are faster than a bullet train." (Pokémon FireRed Pokédex entry)

Most bullet trains run an average speed of about 300 kilometers per hour (about 186 mph). Taking Hitmonlee's size into consideration, this means it could probably throw a single punch in about 0.0085 seconds. The worlds record for human punching measured about one punch in 0.0745 seconds, almost nine times slower than that.

#184: Azumarill
"It can spend all day in water, since it can inhale and store a lager volume of air." (Pokémon Platinum Pokédex entry)

The sperm whale can hold it's breath for two hours, longer than any other mammal alive. The saltwater crocodile can hold it's breath for up to three hours, longer than any animal with lungs. Azumarill can hold it's breath eight times of a crocodile, and twelve times that of a sperm whale.

#219: Magcargo
"Magcargo's body temperature is approximately 18,000º Fahrenheit." (Pokémon Sapphire Pokédex entry)

The surface of the sun is about 9980º Fahrenheit (5526º Celsius). That would make Magcargo's body temperature about 1,8 times as hot as the surface of the sun.

#246: Larvitar
"It feeds on soil. After it has eaten a large mountain, it will fall asleep so it can grow." (Pokémon Gold Pokédex entry)

Theoretically the amount of dirt it would take to equal the size of a large mountain about 20,000ft (6096 meters) tall could require as much as 4,410,000,000 pounds (2,000,000,000 kg), or 2,205,000 short tons of dirt. The world's largest mountain, Mt. Everest is about 29,029 feet (8,848 meters) tall, and would have a volume more than twice that amount.

#257: Blaziken
"Blaziken has incredible strong legs - it can easily clear a 30-story building in one leap." (Pokémon Sapphire Pokédex entry)

On average, a single story is between 10-13 feet (3-4 meters) tall. That would mean Blaziken could make a vertical leap of over 300-390 feet (90-120 meters). That's more than sixty times it's height.

#293: Whismur
"It's cries equal a jet plane in volume." (Pokémon Emerald Pokédex entry)

Hearing can be damaged by sustained exposure to 90dB (decibel) sounds (about as loud as heavy traffic). At 125dB, pain is felt (about as loud as a pneumatic drill). At 140dB, permanent hearing damage can occur even with short term exposure. At 180dB, complete death of hearing tissue occurs. The sound of a jet engine measures about 140dB from 100 meters (about 328 feet). At close range with no protection, it could burst the eardrums.

#321: Wailord
"by inhaling to its maximum capacity, a Wailord can dive close to 10,000 feet beneath the waves." (Pokémon Emerald Pokédex entry)

10,000 feet (about 3048 meters) underwater, there would be more than two tons of water pressure on top of you, equal to more than 300 atmospheres of pressure. The temperature that far down usually ranges from 30-39º Fahrenheit (3-4º Celsius), and there is almost no light. The sperm whale, which can dive deeper than any other whale, can barely get close to this depth. However, a sperm whale weighs as much as 45 short tons (41,000 kg) on average, while Wailord weighs 877,4 pounds (398 kg).

#361: Snorunt
 "It is said that a home visited by Snorunt will prosper. It can withstand cold of minus 150º Fahrenheit." (Pokémon FireRed/LeafGreen Pokédex entry)

The lowest temperature ever recorded on Earth was -128º Fahrenheit (-89º Celsius). The human body at it's absolute best can't survive long past -40º Fahrenheit (-40º Celsius) external temperature, when the moisture in the lungs begin to freeze

#435: Skuntank
"It sprays a vile-smelling fluid from the tip of its tail to attack. Its range is over 160 feet." (Pokémon Diamond Pokédex entry)

A real skunk can spray it's fluid with accuracy up to 16 feet (5 meters). Skuntank can launch the fluid ten times this distance. 160 feet is the width of a regulation football field.

Conclusion: Pokémon are really freaking hax

Grammar time

Yes, now it's time to actually teach you lurkers something that you might not fully understand yet. Because it still seems that for a lot of people it's hard to comprehend when and when not to use the words your and you're. But you see, these things are actually two completely different things. It's like, calling a dog a cat and make everyone lol because they actually DO know that the cat is in fact, a cat.
So time for you guys to try harder and not look so retarded when you're trying to look smart on-line. Here it goes:

'Your' signifies ownership or relation, which refers to something owned by someone. a title or friend/relation. Example:
"Your computer rocks."
"Your mother is a slutwhore."
"your criminal status is unacceptable."

'You're' is an abbreviation of 'you are', which is what you'd say when speaking to someone about who or what they are, be it insult, praise, fact or a random statement.
"You're a moron."
"You're fantastic!"
"You're a normal person."
"You're gay."

I request that you people learn what I have just explained on the grounds that

IT IS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD!

The Platypus. What is it?

Laser hair removal gone bad

Four years ago, a Chicago resident called Steve Perez walked into a PureLight medical spa for a $900 laser hair removal procedure. The 34-year-old walked out with a blistering burn on his chest.

This is a scenario that’s become all too familiar. It happens more often that poorly trained technicians with no medical experience are carrying out medical procedures such as Botox injections, chemical peels and laser hair removal at so-called medical or medi-spas in major cities across the US.
The number of medical spas, estimated to be more than 2,000 nationwide, has grown 160 percent in the period of 2005 - 2008, according to the International Medical Spa Association. It’s estimated that more than 1 million laser hair removal procedures were performed in 2006, up from 300,000 in 2003.
And, just as the number of surgeries is growing, so are the horror stories. According to the American Society for Dermatologic Surgery, the number of botched procedure complaints grew 41% between 2005 and 2006.
A dozen states, including Delaware, New Jersey, North Dakota and Hawaii, allow only physicians to perform laser hair removal, with many others requiring physicians to supervise these procedures. But 19 states, such as Arizona, Idaho, Ohio, Rhode Island and Minnesota, have no laws regarding use of laser technology.



Oversight is desperately needed in all 50 states, physicians say. But that’s easier said than done.
"It is basically buyer beware," said Carolyn Jacob, a dermatologist who later treated the 34-year old following his laser hair horror.
"These are medical procedures designed for physicians or at least to be guided by physicians. The state of Illinois has no law regarding (laser hair) devices and they don’t treat them as medical devices, which is exceedingly frustrating. They have been working on regulations for several years. Other states already have them. But to get all 50 states on board, you have to work with 50 different governments."
Perez later learned that many medi-spas, like the one he used, which since has closed down, circumvent the medical licensing process by operating as a beauty shop.
"When you walk in, everyone’s got on lab coats and it’s set up just like a doctor’s office," Perez said. "It’s unbelievable that these places keep popping up. How many other people walk in the door trusting that these are doctors and nurses?"
Shortly after beginning the hair removal process on Perez, the laser technician noticed a discoloration on his chest. She told him it could be removed with the laser.
"I was like 'go for it,'" said Perez, who believed the technician to be a nurse. "I figured she knew what she was doing."
Once the technician began to "remove" the large discoloration using an Intense Pulsed Light (IPL) treatment, Perez said he felt immediate pain and smelled burning hair.
"There was literally smoke coming off of my chest," he said. "She said it’s OK; that’s just the hair follicles burning. So I didn’t think nothing of it. I ended up walking out of there with a 1 1/2-inch-by-2-inch test area that was very pink and reddish, but I thought that was part of the process and that when it healed it would be gone."
Perez continued experiencing pain throughout the night and the area began to blister. It eventually formed brown scab in some areas and hypopigmented or turned white in other areas, he said.
"Before the IPL, my chest had just the brown discoloration," he said. "Now I'm left with three different colored patches on my chest and shoulder from the laser burn," Perez said.
"I have to look at this scar every day, and it's a constant reminder of how much pain I suffered and the bad judgment I used, because I just didn't know the dangers of going to a medi-spa.
"They’re in the business to make money," he continued. "There’s no ethics; there’s no morals. The laser hair removal didn’t even work because of my skin tone. The laser they used on me was for Caucasians and not for a guy whose last name is Perez."
He later consulted Jacob to see if there was anything she could do for the scarring.
"My initial reaction was why in the world did anybody laser this," said Jacob, a member of the American Society for Dermatologic Surgery. "I could see just by looking at this that it was something unusual and a dermatologic disorder that needed to be diagnosed first."
Jacob biopsied the area and sent it to Northwestern University for testing. When testing determined the lesion to be something different than what Jacob perceived it to be, Perez was sent to Northwestern for its monthly ground rounds in which 40 specialists from around the world examine unusual cases and discuss what they might be.
Perez was later diagnosed with an unusually shaped, very late-onset birthmark.
Jacob believes a colleague of hers may be able to eliminate Perez’s scarring with a different type of laser device.
"I passed the torch to someone who can perform the procedure that I think would work best," she said. "I don’t own the device so I was happy to have him receive the right treatment from someone else."
Perez hopes one day he will be scar-free and though he’ll likely spend hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars by the time it’s all said and done, he has chosen not to sue the medi-spa he blames for the injury.
"They’re out of business now and by the time the lawyers get involved, what’s left over, $1,000 and a lot of headaches," he said.
Still, he admits to holding a grudge against the spa and the woman who treated him.
"Why didn’t she say, 'let’s have a doctor look at this first,'" he said. "That would have been the solution to the problem, not let’s turn this laser up as high as it goes and burn it off. Somebody’s going to get hurt pretty bad if they haven’t already."
Jacob agreed that Perez’s experience could have turned out much worse.
"The failure to diagnose lesions on the skin that are harmful or cancerous is dangerous and they shouldn’t be treated with these devices," she said. "If it’s a melanoma and you use one of these devices on it, it will go away temporarily, but it will come back all the worse and that could be devastating."
Both Jacob and Perez encourage anyone considering laser hair removal to make sure an actual physician is performing the work or supervising.
Said Jacob: "Sometimes these devices malfunction and if someone gets burned, you need someone on staff trained in wound care that can possibly prevent an injury from permanently scarring somebody."

Nuclear explosions since 1945

Stop smoking

What happens to your body if you stop smoking right now:

In 20 minutes: Your blood pressure will return to normal.

In 8 hours: The carbon monoxide (a toxic gas) levels in your bloodstream will drop by half, and oxygen levels will return to normal.

In 48 hours: Your chance of having a heart attack will begin its long decline. All nicotine will have left your body. Your sens of tast and smell will return to a normal level.

In 72 hours: Your bronchial tubes will relax, and your over-all energy levels will rise.

In 2 weeks: Your circulation will increase, and it will continue to improve for the next 10 weeks.

In 3 - 9 months: Coughs, wheezing and breathing problams will disappear as your lung capacity improves by 10%

In 1 year: Your risk of having a heart attack will now have dropped by half.

In 5 years: Your risk of having a stroke returns to that of a non-smoker.

In 10 years: Your risk of lung cancer will have returned to that of a non-smoker.

Politics explained another way

Politics explained

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens that the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

Facism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

Communism: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in ine for hours to get it. It's expensive and sour.

Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you share all the milk.

Russian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk

Representative Democracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill our forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

Capatalism: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.

Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Democratic:  You don't have any dows. Your neighbor has two cows.  The government takes one from the neighbor and gives it to you. After which, Conway Twitty comes and sings for you.

Republican: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

American Corporation: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do and IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analyst stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

French Corporation: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school

German Corporation: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

Italian Corporation: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

Russian Corporation: You have two cows. You have some Vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more Vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

Taliban Corporation: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them, because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to get weapons.

Iraqi Corporation: You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of  their mooing.

Polish Corporation: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

Belgian Corporation: You have one cow. The cow is Schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow think he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants to control the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy

Florida Corporation: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

California Corporation: You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal aliens. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

How big is Africa?

Africa is the World's second-largest continent - 30,065,000 km² covering approximately 20% of the Earth's land and 6% of the Earth's surface .

It is bordered by the Atlantic Ocean to the east, the Indian Ocean to the west and the Mediterranean Sea to the north. The Red Sea and Suez Canal lie to the north-east and separate Africa from Asia.

The longest river in the World, The Nile, measuring 6,695 km - flows north ending in a delta that empties into the Mediterranean Sea.

The World's largest desert, The Sahara, measuring 9,000,000 km², covers much of north Africa. The Kalahari desert in south-west Africa measures 259,000 km².

The Atlas mountain range lies in the north-west of Africa and the highest mountain, Kilimanjaro, 5895 m, is in Tanzania.

And here's a image to get an idea of how big it actually is. Cuz most of you guys probably don't know the metric system

The Great Pacific garbage patch

If you thought that your basement was a mess, try going to the garbage patch in the Great Pacific. It's the place where are your lost stuff ends up.

Things that happen in 1 minute

Howto wake up refreshed every day

Hi there, lurkers! This is about howto get a good night's sleep. Sounds too good to be true? Follow these simple steps and you too can wake up feeling like a million bucks every day!

Step 1. Changing your sheets. 
 
Sounds easy enough, right? Well, for a lot of people it's not. You see, son, many people are under the impression that they can save a lot of time by using the same sheets for more than a week. They are wrong!

By changing your sheets once a week and washing them, you're killing off all of those little dust mites that bite and prick you in the middle of the night, waking you slightly and causing unsightly sores, generally under the thinnest part of your beard or other body hairs.

So chance your sheets once a week. BUT WAIT! IT GETS BETTER.

Step 2. Lysol! 

This next step is absolutely CRUCIAL to obtain a clean bed and good night's sleep.
Every time you change your sheets, use Lysol spray on your mattress. Then put the bottom sheet on the bed and use Lysol on that. Then put the top sheet on an use Lysol on that. Spray Lysol on your pillows and pillow cases. And lastly, your comforter. Why?

Lysol kills 99.9% of germs. It says so right on the bottle. Plus, it comes in a few different-smelling varieties, so your room doesn't smell like pure Lysol. Get the namebrand stuff too... none of this Dollar Store garbage! If you change your sheets once a week and Lysol your bed once a week, a bottle should last you around 2 months. $3 for two months of degemrination? Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me!

Step 3: Making your bed 

Not surprisingly, this step is usually what people hate the most. Did you know it takes an average of one minute and thirty seconds for my mother to make a bed in the morning? And that's a queen-sized bed with sheets and a comforter. Tuck in your sheets on one side, leave the other a little loose. If you make your bed every day (and I mean EVERY day), it feels magical to sleep in it. Take the extra two minutes and make your bed, right when you wake up, right after you shower or after breakfast. Find the time to do it and just do it!
Or ask your mom to do it for you, or whatever. But if you want it to be done the good way, do it yourself.

Step 4: Know your sheets 

In general, you're going to have Egyptian Cotton bedsheets. That's fine, but the thread count is what really matters. Ask for sheets for Christmas, because you want 650 thread count or higher, and those aren't cheap. Generally, at your local bedding store, you can find some quality 640-thread count sheets for around fifty wing-wangs, but some might charge more. Save up some money for them, and take care of them well. Which brings be to the final step.

Step 5: Take care of your bed

Allright you bum, you finally have a nice bed now; it's made, it's Lysol'd, it looks awesome. Don't sit in it to play video games. Use a chair. Don't smoke or eat in your bed. Use the kitchen or bathroom or something. Your bed has only one purpose: SLEEP. Treat it as such. Do not stack your dirty clothes on your bed. Don't use it to count your coins or wrap presents. Your bed is sacret. You spend one-third of your life in here. Take care of it, and it shall receive you well.

 

Humans and animals

Really, what's the difference? It only takes 8 animals to make a human. So if they ever team up and fight back, be affraid!

Facts about the penis

howto learn the song 'Hey Jude'

Hey Jude made simple

Howto self defend against a woman

Cuz we all know how to kick a man's ass and it's still kind of a mystery howto defend yourself against an attacking woman

How the male body works

The costs of force proctection

Howto make a pizza-burger

Cuz it might be the cure for a hangover

Howto lucid dreaming

So what is lucid dreaming?

Lucid dreaming is the art of becoming more conscious during the dream. When we are dreaming and realize this fact, we have a unique opportunity to interact with the dream with purpose and with amazement.
Lucid dreaming is one of the most amazing experiences you will ever know. The ability to look around, and know that everything you see is an imaginary realm is simply mind blowing, especially because it feels more real than waking life. Colors are more vivid, perception is clearer, and joy can rush through so strongly that your feet will lift off the ground.
It gets even dreamier when you realize that the other dream figures want to talk to you and show you what you’re ready to see. They can be friendly and other times they can test your boundaries and the limits of your courage. And occasionally, they will let you in on a secret or two that can remind you that the world is not at all what it seems.

Getting started:

Some people say that some foods or meditation or sleeping with a quartz rock under your pillow will induce lucid dreaming. Although it may be possible, the following might be the quickest way for someone to begin lucid dreaming on the first attempt.

Lay down to go to sleep, this works best if you are extremely tired. Lay on your back with your arms at your side and eyes closed. STAY PERFECTLY STILL. You must stay awake. Your brain will send signals to your body to see if your are ready to sleep. These signals include getting an itch, change your body position, wanting to blink or move your eyeballs (remember your eyes should be closed). YOU MUST IGNORE ALL OF THESE IMPULSES.
After about 20-30 minutes you will feel a weight on your chest, you may even hear weird noises. You are now in sleep paralysis. If you open your eyes you will begin to hallucinate (dream with your eyes open) and you will not be able to move your body. Your body is completely asleep. Now that you ar aware you are dreaming, you can shut your eyes and begin to dream instantly. You will be fully aware you are dreaming and can now (with some practice) control your dreams.

Now that you are lucid dreaming there are a few tricks to:

• Check to see if you are dreaming
• Stay dreaming while fully aware you are dreaming

To see if you are dreaming you can do a few things in the dream. You can flip a light switch. Flipping a light switch will never turn on a light. Most of the times it does nothing. Another thing to do is look in a mirror. You will never see yourself.
Once you have done this, you have confirmed you are dreaming, and now have control over your dreams.

When you're realizing you are dreaming, your mind will try to wake up. The best method to try to stay asleep and dreaming is to spin in a circle (in your dream). This part of the brain will take all the attention away from waking up and now you will be into a DEEP sleep.

It might take a few times to get this right, but eventually you will  be able to do the lucid dreaming. Have fun and share your experiences, for teh lulz.

Howto convert to metric

Since the imperial system is a crazy system with numbers that don't add up if you want to convert it, its time for everyone to get acquainted with the metric system.
Why? Because it's much easier. It's all dividable in 10. 10mm is 1cm, 10cm is 1dm, 10dm is 1m.. and so on.
I can't believe that a lot of people like the imperial system better. Cuz like 12 inches go into 1 foot. How does that makes sense?
Here's a guide on howto do the metric system. Read it, and learn!

Michael Jackson.. who gives a crap?

So it seems that today is the birthday of Michael Jackson. I actually, couldn't care less. Since he died, there is even more news and shit about him going on then when he was still alive.

And don't forget about all the tribute shows around him. Things like 'move like Michael Jackson' and the whole 'This is it tour'.

Funny how a death of someone turns so many people around. Before he was dead, most of the news was about him touching children or doing other weird stuff. Nobody liked him. But then, he died. And all of a sudden he was the greatest guy that lived.

Well, dear fans. You might get another shot in seeing your idol. Because the lawyers of his former doctor Conrad Murray are trying to get approval on digging up his dead body. Something about that they wanna prove that the doctor was innocent and that Jackson died of a drug overdose. Hey, we might get a new 'Michael Jackson was bad' news story! (no pun intended)

Off course the family don't want this to happen. They want to let him rest in peace. Or is it because the story of Michael being murdered is a better story than Micheal just messed up and took a little bit too much drugs?

Too bad for them, it's up to the judge whether to dig or not to dig up his dead body.

I'd say, let's do it!

How a cadaver made your car safer

Ever wondered what to do with your body after you die? Burrial too expensive? Try putting yourself up for the name of science! Do something awesome that you didn't dare when you were breathing. Just one last bang for old times sake. Well, you'll get it. Just read this next part and weep.... or just feel indifferent about it.

A highly-promoted feature in the 2011 Ford Explorer are its new inflatable rear seatbelts. The not-so-highly-promoted working stiffs that helped make it happen? Human cadavers. Here's how automakers still quietly use dead people to make your car safer.
When automakers and safety advocates show off the results of crash tests, they inevitably run video showing empty vehicles or crash test dummies; back in the 1980s, they even turned the dummies into lovable cartoon characters. What the industry doesn't like talking about is how much of the safety innovation in vehicles was built around testing cadavers.
Since the 1930s, when researchers at Wayne State University first threw a body down an elevator shaft to see what kind of forces it could sustain, cadavers have been essential to making driving safer. Every part of a car touching on safety — from steering columns and laminated windshields to side-impact air bags — has science from cadaver tests making sure they work.
"It's still very important," said Priya Prasad, a former top safety researcher at Ford. "Even though we have very good math modeling of dummies, human modeling hasn't reached that state yet."

Automakers prefer to keep their names away from such ickiness. When a Swedish researcher told a newspaper in 2008 that General Motors and Saab were using cadavers in research, both companies quickly denied the story. And as far as the denial goes, it's true: automakers don't have the medical resources that cadaver tests require.
But universities do. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration funds scores of cadaver tests at schools across the country every year; many of those schools also get grants from automakers. And the data they gather can be shared widely.
That's the case with Ford's inflatable seat belts, an idea it's been testing for several years. The 2011 Explorer will be the first vehicle in the world to offer them, and Ford has made the belts a highlight of the safety features offered to compete against other family haulers.



But before the system could be sold, Ford had to answer myriad questions. Just because it has an air bag doesn't mean the belts would automatically do a better job of shielding passengers from injuries than standard seat belts. It could even be worse: What would happen to children who were sleeping on the belts when they inflated?
Most of Ford's tests used the family of dummies developed by the industry, including ones that mimic children. But without a cadaver test, Ford couldn't know for sure how the inflatable belt would affect internal organs and tissues.
Typically in cadaver tests, as the one pictured here run by the University of Michigan Transportation Research Institute, researchers swaddle the body in stockings, including one over its face, partly for scientific reasons and partly out of respect. The arms and hands, if still attached, are bound in place to keep them from moving during a simulated crash, and sensors record the forces on various parts.
After the test, researchers would likely have used x-rays and autopsies to examine how much damage the cadaver sustained. Ford shared the results with NHTSA but deemed them confidential business information — meaning we can't access them by way of a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request — but given that the belts are going on sale, we can guess the tests were successful.

Universities which run such tests have standard procedures for handling cadavers that cover every step of the process, from informing the relatives of a donor what the body will be used for to disposing of the remains.
Ford spokesman Wes Sherwood said the company, like the rest of the industry, was trying to move into digital modeling for crash testing whenever possible. It's far cheaper to run thousands of computer simulations of a crash test with a digital wireframe than to do even one test with a dummy. And either test is less squeamish to the general public than crash-testing involving a once-living, breathing body. It's no wonder they're in no mood to publicize their continued, but still very necessary, use.
"If there's a specific need (for a cadaver test), we will look outside the company to see if someone can help, but most of our work is digital," Sherwood said.
Albert King, a professor at Wayne State who has been working in cadaver research since 1966, said the school's tests had fallen off in recent years; where it used to do one cadaver test a month on average, it now did a few a year if that. King once estimated that such tests saved 8,500 lives a year.

The major reason? After six decades, there's not much room left to improve safety inside the car. With even low-end vehicles offering eight air bags, most research has turned toward how to prevent crashes in the first place.
"We have most of the information we need," King said. "The rest of it we're doing through computer."
But it's not just cars that benefit. Researchers have drawn on Wayne State's cadaver work to design helmets that might prevent concussions in NFL players. NASA has used cadavers to test crashworthiness in the past, and the Defense Department-backed studies rely on cadaver work to better understand traumatic brain injuries.
Prasad says as good as computer models are, they still can't capture the exact essence of how human tissue reacts.
"It's always a good idea when you're developing something to do cadaver testing," he said

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Guide to successful navigation of the "Friend Zone"

Some Preliminary Questions:

• Are you interested in dating her? If you are only interested procuring sex, find another girl. If you can't honestly see yourself with her, move on.

• Are you sure? If this is a hard question for you, the feelings you have may be purely platonic. On the other hand, if the answer comes too quickly, you might be infatuated. In that case, you might not be mature enough to handle a serious relationship yet. Give it time.

• Are you actually friends? If the girl in question is someone you barely know, or if she does not return your feelings of friendship, moving on is probably the best solution.

• Have you confessed your feelings for her? If you have poured your heart out numerous times to her, written poems and other such dramatic nonsense, this will be significantly harder for you. Falling for someone is much easier if it's a mutual process. She will be wary of your advances and may reject early attempts if you seem obsessive. If so, you will have to take things much slower. Hopefully, the effects of your actions will outweigh any uneasiness she might feel.

• Have you dated this person before? If so, think about the terms of breakup. If there was a problem with your relationship that caused the two of you to end things, chances are good that unless you've both matured quite a bit, the smame things will still be problems. If, however circumstances (such as distance) were allowed to get between you two, it may  be a matter of convincing yourselves that circumstances should not win out over a relationship that was otherwise healthy.

• Is she currently in a relationship? If she is happy with a guy who is genuinely good, learn to be happy for them and continue to be there for her as a friend in case things go wrong. If she is in an unhealthy relationship of dating a guy you consider bad, tell her. Don't talk about being jealous or belittle her for liking this person. Instead, tell her that you are concerned for her. Be honest about why. If you don't like him, tell her why not. At this point, one of two things will happen: She might admit to you that there is some truth in what you say. If so, leave it be for the moment, and wait until things get worse to help convince her to end things with him. If she denies what you say, forget about it and wait for thigns to get worse, at which point you may gently say "I told you so". Either way, be sensitive to her needs and don't expect her to immediately gravitate toward you.

Principles to Remember: Be yourself, feel free to make your own adjustments to this plan as you see fit, be quick to react to adjusting situations, and have fun!


Now then, let's get started:

• Make a conscious effort to begin spending time together in ways you did not before. If you rarely spent time one-on-one, suggest opportunities to do so. If you rarely went out in public together, try to do that. If you rarely spent low-key time in the house together, do that. If you were typically the one to suggest what you did together, ask her to suggest activities. If she typically made the plans, make them before she can. Avoid the term "date" at all costs. At this point you are spending time together as friends, and you must believe that in order for her to. However, seeing you in new situations may lead her to consider you in a new light.

• If you are confident at this, it is a good idea to increase the amount of physical contact you have with the girl in question. I don't suggest that you grope her or offer massages (she should be the one asking for massages). Likewise, asking for hugs from her sends a vague and sometimes creepy message, especially if you are not good at hugging. However, playful hand grabs when you are excited, sitting up next to her on the couch, or little touches on the elbow or shoulder when leading her places can help establish a less platonic and more romantic dynamic.

• Consider adjusting an aspect of your personal appearance. A new haircut or growing your hear out, growing or shaving a beard, or any change in wardrobe that says "I care about how I look" can go a long ways in causing her to see you in a different light.

 
 

• As things progress, it is important to mirror her behavior. If she is shy about touching you, act somewhat shy yourself. If she is hesitant to speak about her feelings, be hesitant as well. While this may sound like deception, you should find yourself getting involved in this process to the extent that your feelings actually do end up mirroring hers. This is a good thing.

• If things are going well, romantic tension will begin to build between you. There will be a moment that comes where the two of you break off conversation , lock eyes, and forget about everything else. That's right. The kiss. What follows is crucial. YOU MUST BE THE ONE TO PULL AWAY. Laugh it off and avoid talking about it for now. However, call her before the next time you would see her in person. Don't bring up the almost kiss directly, but lead the way into a conversation about how your feelings for each other have grown since you initiated this method (Don't mention the method). You should leave the conversation with no definite plan about your future as friends or as a couple, but make plans to see her as soon as possible.

• If you have played your cards right, things should go exactly as you want them to at this point. Commence with the kissing, don't take it much further than that. Make plans for a next date, move forward with the relationship.

• Congratulations, you've beaten the friend zone!

If this doesn't work:

You only have one opportunity to make this plan work. It is not guaranteed to work for everyone, by any means. This plan may simply be too far outside your normal realm of behavior. Alternatively, you might ruin your chances at platonic friendship. However, friendship isn't worth it if you aren't happy with it. Above all, don't blame yourself. Hopefully, you have learned something along the way and will be more successful in your next endeavor.

Men don't go anywhere